Sailor Mercury Jar Jar Binks Name: Mizuno Ami Name: Jar Jar Binks Birthday: September 10 Birthday: ? Blood Type: A Blood Type: ? Hobby: Reading, chess Hobby: Being stupid Senshi Position: Inner Senshi Position: Not Applicable Element: Water Element: Not Applicable Fighting Style: Defensive Fighting Style: Neither Secret Weapons: None Secret Weapons: Uh... Damaging Attack: Mercury Aqua Rhapsody Damaging Attack: Hmm..
Okay, so how exactly would Sailor Mercury match up to Jar Jar Binks of the immensely popular Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace?
Well, we put both Sailor Senshi in a high-tech space age computers, and we took the information supplied by us and a special team of animators to come up with the ultimate match up! Unfortunately, the animation would take just way too much disk space, so we have our commentators do it for us. Straight from the Death Buster Headquarters we have Mimete & Eudial!
Eudial: Hey everyone! It's time for everyone's favorite show, Mercury Death Match! Today's matchup is against the much hated Jar Jar Binks.
Mimete: Whee! I LOVE Star Wars! It's so great! Use the Force Luke! Do you think that I could get Ewan McGregor-sama's autograph?!?!
Eudial: Sure, maybe later, but now it's time to start the match...
Mimete: Well, Jar Jar started off with a bang...he's running away from Sailor Mercury! Fight, Jar Jar! You can beat her!
Eudial: Oi...he just tripped on his pants on his way behind that tree.
Mimete: For those of you who don't know, Jar Jar Binks is a CGI creation, therefore he counts as animation--so he can fight Sailor Mercury. Jar Jar comes from the swamps of the planet Naboo, he belongs to the race Gungun and--ouch...he just took another fall. Mercury's on his tail! Boingy! I guess Jar Jar's spine makes a good trampoline!
Mercury: *static* *crack* I HATE YOU! DIE DIE DIE!!!!
Jar Jar: OoOW! Whysa you be doing dat! Whysa you hate me! Meesa Jar Jar Binks! Meesa big big star in da mobie! Meesa reliefin da comedy!
Eudial: NOOO! I don't want to hear your psycho rastified speech! Meesa says turn it off!--I mean...turn it off I say!
Mimete: Oh, that really ticked lil Ami-chan off...ooh, she prepping up for a Shining Aqua Illusion from point blank range!
Mercury: Shut up! Shut up! Your stupidity is hurting my brain! You are the most useless character ever! You are NOTHING like Chewbacca!
Eudial: *shivers* such cold words from Mercury-chan, wow, it seemed like I said the exact same think last death match...but about someone else.
Mimete: I don't think I've ever seen Mercury so vicious! Ooh, ice blast to the head. He's gunna be feeling that one in the morning...
Jar Jar: Meesa cold! Meesa so so cold! Meesa no feelin' meesa body--
Janelle: DIE! DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE! I hope 25 years from now George Lucas will erase you from the Special Edition!!!!
Eudial: --we seem to be getting some interference here...sorry about that folks. Well, for those of who missed the play-by-play, Mercury was whacking Jar Jar with her harp, Mimete's still counting.
Mimete: 45, 46, 47, 48...awww...the harp broke...
Jar Jar: Owwwsa! That be a-hurtin me! Yousa mean mean lady! Yousa no nice as crackin up as they says yousa being!
Eudial: My god, what do you think the combined intelligence in the battle room is?
Mimete: Assuming that Mercury's IQ is actually 300 as the rumours say? 43.
Eudial: Jar Jar's pretty battered...this was a really unfair fight. How's he supposed to kill Mercury without a weapon?
Mimete: One weapon, coming right up, Eudial...sempai *snicker* One ultra-neato lightsaber that doesn't require any Force skills.
Eudial: That's pretty handy...do they come in red?--OOH! Jar Jar is making a counter attack! Ugh...he still can't beat her with a weapon that can cut through anything in the known universe. Just decapitate her your Gungun moron!
Mimete: Mercury is frantically trying all her attacks, none of them work...Bonk! She just threw her harp at Jar Jar's head!
Eudial: What the hell...where did Mercury disappear to? She disappeared into thin air! Cameras, find Mercury!!!
***On Board Death Star III***
Sith Janelle: As you see, using my Sith powers and Star Trek technology, I've beamed you aboard my personal ship, Death Star III to aid you in your holy war against Jar Jar Binks.
Mercury: Aren't you the girl who's always killing me?
Sith Janelle: Uhh...no. You must have me confused with someone else. Well, just push the this red button here and Jar Jar, the battle room, the Death Busters, *cough*the country, the planet*cough* will all go boom.
Mercury: This button here?
Sith Janelle: Yup, that button right there.
***Back in the Battle Room***
Jar Jar Binks: Where bein that girl whosa thinks shesa bettah than me? Hey! Whassa that red light that be comin thisa way??
***Back on Death Star III***
Sith Janelle: Yes! We've rid the world from the terror that is Jar Jar Binks! And Mercury, you lived this time! (This one's out to all the Mercury Fans of the Anti-Mercury page who requested Mercury win just once...For being cool Mercury fans!)
Mercury: Since I helped you destroy Jar Jar, does that mean I get to win more battles from now on?
Sith Janelle: Uhhh.........sure. Uhhh....gotta go!
Sith Janelle & Mercury: Until text time...Ja ne!
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