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Senshi Vs. Senshi
This Month's Contenders...

Vs.

Vital Statistics

Sailor Mercury                               Generic Rabid Mercury Fan
Name: Mizuno Ami                             Name: SailorSuperDuperMercuryMizuno
Birthday: September 10                       Birthday: 198-something
Blood Type: A                                Blood Type: VILE VILE BLACK OIL!!!!!!
Hobby: Reading, chess                        Hobby: Taking things too seriously
Senshi Position: Inner                       Senshi Position: Not Applicable
Element: Water                               Element: Not Applicable
Fighting Style: Defensive                    Fighting Style: Sending Flames
Secret Weapons: None                         Secret Weapons: Right...
Damaging Attack: Mercury Aqua Rhapsody       Damaging Attack: Email Bombs

Okay, so how exactly would Sailor Mercury match up to her psychotic, deranged, immature devotees (not to be confused with Mercury devotees with a sense of humor and an open mind.)
Well, we put both Sailor Senshi in a high-tech space age computers, and we took the information supplied by us and a special team of animators to come up with the ultimate match up! Unfortunately, the animation would take just way too much disk space, so we have our commentators do it for us. Straight from the Death Buster Headquarters we have Tellu and Viluy



Tellu: Hello lovelies, I think this is one of the first times I've ever hosted one of these damn things! I mean..umm, welcome to Senshi Death Match. Today we have a most unusual event, Sailor Mercury is actually fighting one of her fans!
Viluy: Ne, I don't think fans are the proper word. More like lame kiddies. Let's not confuse the "Fan" with normal Mercury fans. Anyways, you don't really think Mercury would fight one of her fans, would you? This'll turn into some boring autograph session.
Tellu: Well, we're about to find out. Here comes the Fan now. Lets start the audio, we all know this'll be interesting.
The Lamer Fan: Sailor Mercury-suma! i loev you! you are the greatst thing EVERRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to be jst like you when i grow up! your so smart and prtty and nice and you culd kick all teh other scouts asses!
Tellu: Kawaii yo ne...Mercury's blushing. She's the ever-polite Japanese girl. Humble and modest to the end.
Mercury: *blush* Oh, thank you very much, miss. But really, I'm not as great as you say. Part of teamwork is acknowledging your strengths and faults. I couldn't do anything without the other Senshi. I need them, and they need me.
The Lamer Fan: WAAHT!!!!!!!!!! HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT ABOT MERCURY YOU DUMB B!TC#!!!!!!!! SHe's the GREATSEST! BETTER THAN YOU WILL EVER BE!!!!! YOU ARE SO WRONG YOU ARE DUMB DUMB DUMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Viluy:: O_O
Tellu: What...the...where did that come from?
Mercury: Um...I...I...excuse me, Miss...but what? I...I'm Mercury!
The Lamer Fan: I WILL H4X0R YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Youll nevere ever ever say such things about her again! You made my sister cry! an my brother cry! IN THE NAME ODF MERCURY!!!!! I WILL PUNISH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tellu: Run away, Mercury! The fan is going nuts! What's wrong with this person? Don't they see that she was just being modest and polite. Ack, smacks to the head. Poor Mercury, she isn't even attacking back. She's too shocked.
Viluy: I don't think she can understand what the person's saying, I mean, I barely can. I wonder if our audience can as well? Aaah! The Fan is beating Mercury over the head with a DiC doll (which is very bad likeness, I might add).
Tellu: I think the fan would be shocked to know that she's destroying her own favorite character. I think it's kind of funny.
Viluy: And just a minute ago you were feeling sorry for her, that's a mood change if I ever saw one--ack, the Fan is still yelling! She's refusing to listen to reason!
Tellu: I thought you were smart, Viluy. No matter how much sense you make, stupid people will never see the light. It's a shame she's doing more damage than good.
Viluy: You say that so calmly! She's destroying everything! BAH! *yells into a loudspeaker* That IS Mercury, you dope!
The Lamer Fan: WAHT! SHATUP!!!!!!!! YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING! YIU KILL MERCRY EVERY WEEK! ILL HACK YOU! ILL EMAIL BOMB YOU! YOU ARE LAME AND HAV NO LIEF!!!! DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR FAVEORUTE CHARACTR IS A HOMO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEPUTNE SI A LESBOE LIKE YOOOOU! AND SATURM IS SATANIC LIKE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! *runs to a computer which appears suddenly and loads AOL*
Viluy: Oh god, she's running a script.
Mercury: Hacking? I must stop this. *takes out pocket computer and frantically begins typing*
The Lamer Fan: NO!!!!!!!!!! YOU BLAAAAAASFEMER!!!!!! DIE HO-BAAAAAAAAAG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Viluy: She's picking up the computer and crashing it on Mercury's lead! Thank god it was one of those new Dell computers with the LCD screen, or we'd be picking glass shards out of Mercury. As it stands, she probably has one hell of a headache.
Mercury: Now, listen here. I've tried to be polite to you, you had no reason to smash my head into a computer!
Tellu: Yay! She's getting mad! Now we can have some real carnage!
Viluy: Shining Aqua Illusion to the head! Whoo! Direct hit, the Fan goes flying!
Mercury: Please, leave me alone now. I don't want to hurt you.
The Lamer Fan: HOW CAN YOU hurt Me!? j00 cAn'T huRt m3! EyE eM tOO 1337 fUR j00! 411 mY Fri3nDs aR3 G0iNg t0 3M4i1 b0mBeRz j00!!!!
Tellu: Huh?
Viluy: Silly Tellu, don't you understand elite speak? I could translate for you, but it would hurt me too much.
Tellu: The Fan is back up and lunging towards Mercury! Ah! How weird, she just threw her computer at the girl. Why isn't she fighting back?! C'MON!!!!!!!! Lets see some blood!
Viluy: Unlike some, my dear Tellu, Mercury's strength is her brains, not her brawn. She's dashing over to another computer and logging on to AOL, ack! Hurry up! The Fan's coming for you!
Mercury: There, all signed on. *clicks a button*
Tellu: Whoa! There goes the Fan! What happened?!
Viluy: Aah, the block button. How simple and easy. Damnit, why didn't we do it sooner so we'd have time to throw in a contender who'd actually fight Mercury?!
Tellu: C'est la vie. Mercury's record is now 2 - 12. Well, rest assured that'll never go up! Come again next time, when we promise a loss!
Viluy: *whisper* Ne, we can't promise that, we don't know the outcome before it happens!
Tellu: Uhh...right....Well, until text time...Ja ne!


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